01 November 2007

Poster Boy

Well, Halloween came and went with me being self-margined from the whole let's dress up. In the last few days I've been reflecting (few days, few weeks, few decades) about tons of things. I have become what you can call somewhat "nostalgic" of things past and things past past. I have found several friends from my university years in Guatemala through facebook, which has made me reminisce of old days of outings, "bio-fairs", rock concerts, exam preparation, etc. The funny thing is that as I have a glimpse at their lives and mine, I cannot but feel I am still the same guy... the geeky guy who is STILL in school.

I have also been doing that self-pity exercise called "where was I a year ago?". Thanks to some very clever costumes I remembered that I was invited to a costume party last year and that I had all the intention of going. I had my costume idea picked up and everything. I was going to be "Poster Boy"! (see picture besides from Summer 2006 for one of the motivations to pick such unlikely grad. hero). I was going to tape to me, wearing an oversized sports jacket I bought in the late 90s which I still have btw, a banner with a title, author and affiliation, a YorkU logo and some graphs, and probably some blurb and/or some conclusions. For one reason or the other I did what I always did and what I continue doing: I decided not to go. At the time I was able to put the responsibility of such decisions on someone else. I no longer have that luxury.
It makes me think what kind of "Poster Boy" I am becoming. And most importantly how decisions impact who I am with and what this tells about me. Because, you see, this is an opportunity I have to re-create or re-invent myself, or even just to re-assure myself.

A year ago I was doubting that the whole Statistics thing was for me. I felt (as the phenomenon social & personality psychologists study) as an impostor that one day would be discovered. Actually I felt that way in a number of areas of my life, like an impostor. And now, this is the time I have to take off the mask and look at the mirror. Don't know yet if I will show myself without the mask to others... but for now I'll start with myself.

One year ago, to the date, there was a posting in HFH that was being written, that a few days later I would discover by stumbling into the blog by pure coincidence. I really wasn't into blogs at the time... the only one I really had seen and checked once in a while was my brother's. At the time my inner struggle with my dual identity was surfacing after years of having been buried underneath by complaisance and tedium. Weeks and months after, having "stumbled upon" HFH made me find other blogs and re-connect with dearest friends (who alas! were blogging) and make new ones. I knew and had met other people with cross-border histories that had built their identities, but I was able now to read and write about such issues. I found through blogs the warmth of the public plaza, a virtual speaker's corner (something that I link so much to Canada, and not only because of CityTV). A year later I am writing a very personal post in my recently created blog. Who knows where I'll be a year from now... Happy All Saints Day!

Where were you a year ago? Where you at the same place if your life you are today? Are you celebrating anything in this"pagan" holiday season?


It's me LD said...

Ahhh, yes, one year ago. A whole lot has changed in the past year, hasn't it?

Are you going to hunt down some Toronto fiambre?

Manolo said...

Fiambre? I wouldn't know where to start... I did a Google search of "fiambre Toronto" and the third link I got was my comment from your posting of a year ago! (so I left you an update comment) I sent an e-mail to someone I (we actually) know that might know... maybe for next year.

Anonymous said...

Not sure how I got to this website, but I know someone who makes fiambre if you are interested.