07 June 2008

The will to blog

The will to blog is a complicated thing, somewhere between inspiration and compulsion. It can feel almost like a biological impulse. You see something, or an idea occurs to you, and you have to share it with the Internet as soon as possible. What I didn’t realize was that those ideas and that urgency — and the sense of self-importance that made me think anyone would be interested in hearing what went on in my head — could just disappear.
From Exposed by Emily Gould New York Times


My life has become a big blog post that never ends and never gets written. After all I have been my own audience all my life. My diatribes only mattered to me, or so I thought. Then I discovered blogs. I commented on them for months. After finding myself re-inventing my self once again I decided to document my life in Canada as a Guatemalan. Toronto somewhat in the backdrop. My incorrect English and my stumbling Spanish helped me weave the thread of a well-intentioned search for identity. I have found the opposite reality of phrases like Homo homini lupus est and L'enfer, c'est les autres because diametrically opposed to this existential catch phrases (or should I say slogans) I have found the kindness in strangers. And thus I have borrowed, translated, stolen, re-crafted, re-cycled whatever I can find and whatever I have encountered throughout my life to write my postings.

When life became personal I failed to narrate it. And now, with a red-wine headache and my big YorkU mug full of freshed brew coffee on this sunny Saturday morning, sitting at my computer on my relatively dark and fresh basement apartment, I am thinking about pulling the plug on this quest of mine. Today I might go and buy a new camera. My cellphone not being appropriate for indoor or night pictures. That could become a transformation of elToronteco into something similar to LAGPD (the mother of all blogs if you ask me), although not as consistent or as well crafted as my friend Rudy does. I really cannot tell. It's not the same anymore. Also, my free time, though I spend some of it in self-reflection, is now being willingly and delightfully offered to Love.

So I must confess, I will keep blogging to myself, just not to you guys (the half a dozen or so of my readers). I have not switched to facebook, in which I still keep a profile as a fifth e-mail address and to do some of my student organization duties and some of my activism. I will keep smiling at the fact that some of the titles in my postings have captured unsuspected google searches into this fly trap. For now is a see you later. Google reader will keep me in touch with the blogs that I frequent and I will still make my sporadic comment.

For now, this has been Manolo Romero Escobar, for elToronteco, Toronto.

5 comments:

AntiguaDailyPhoto.Com said...

Manolo,

I, too, have been struggling with the same sentiments (you know what I mean) and maintaining LAGDP has become a daily "is it worth it?"

Perhaps, I am just tired, but perhaps it is time to pull the plug...

For now though, LAGDP will become less personal, less wordy, less demanding. After all, LAGDP is not a blog about me, but a blog about La Antigua Guatemala.

Exposed me movió el tapete. ;-)

RomeroGT said...

Lo de los blogs personales lo veo dificil, he leido algunos muy buenos de jovenes que realmente cuentan cosas personales, yo mismo vi convertido mi blog personal en un blog de expresion personal, hoy en dia es un blog para compartir temas que me gustan, pero blog personal no lo es.

Te mantendre en el greader por si se te antoja regresar al blog, el cuaderno de diario que nos aguanta todo, como los que tuve antes de mis 20 (si, hace muuucho tiempo).

Un abrazo, que bueno que se acerca el mes de Julio!

CarmenDeBizet said...

I read this post a little after you wrote it, but I wanted my comment to take a bit of time to mature in my mind. I understand what you are saying because I have left the blog I opened here. It ceased to be something I wanted to devote time to and even though one can make time, one also should think about whether what was once a joy transformed itself into a chore or a task. I am glad to hear Love has knocked at your door. It does help in this journey called life. Take care Manolo. Saludos.

ale said...

I can relate to life being a big blog post for sure :) I've been relatively off from blogs for a while, which doesn't mean that I have written stuff, at least in my head :)

Feel free to return to blog land whenever you want to be read again :)

Manolo said...

We are not alone all bloggers feel the same.